As I mentioned in my last article, humor is a big part of my life. But writing that also helped me to reflect on how I use humor, and how it affects my relationships with others.

Humor is a powerful tool. And like all tools, it can be used for good OR bad. I’m writing this so as to have a better understanding of where I fall on that line. Because if I’m the only one who’s laughing, then was it really funny?

My sense of humor has been all over the place over the last 14 or so years. These sections reflect on some of the various trends I’ve noticed in my sense of humor.

Crude

Crude humor can be hilarious in the right settings. It’s often hard to talk about gross taboo topics, so humor is one way to defuse that tension.

But I would found myself using it as a crutch in a lot of settings. I realize now that it came from a place of discomfort; I’m uncomfortable with myself, so I want others to feel that way too. Instead of flooding the room with crass jokes, I might as well just wear sign that says “I’m insecure.”

Shows like Big Mouth and South Park thrive on humor through discomfort. I’d rather not go into more detail here, but I’ll just leave this clip for reference.

Cynical/Dark

I was never into the goth scene, but I own a lot of very dark clothes. Dark jokes can be a tool for navigating grief, by channeling pain into laughter.

To me, it takes either a lot of pain or a lot of emotional detachment to be able to laugh at something morbid. For instance, I think of this clip. But in excess, dark humor becomes a cover for emotional numbness.

Rick and Morty is one of my favorite shows that utilizes cynical humor. But looking back, I realize how much Rick’s cynicism and lack of emotional intelligence holds him back, despite having godlike abilities. He constantly shoots himself in the foot because the one thing he doesn’t understand is other people. This episode is a good example, where the central conflict comes from him not being able to predict what a clone of himself with all his knowledge and skills would try to do.

Destructive

A little roasting is fine between close friends. It’s a show of trust and love to be able to laugh at my own flaws. But if roasting becomes the norm for me, then I should look into why I feel the need to cut down my friends.

Some friends might be able to take these types of jokes in jest the first time, but these can get very old, very fast. I recently joked about comparing a colleague of mine to Elizabeth Holmes (this probably also classifies as dark humor). It might have been a little funny the first time, but I don’t think it was nearly as well received the second time around.

Every joke about stereotypes also risks falling in this bucket. There’s a very, very fine line between between a joke about sexism and a joke that is sexist. And the internal energy that the joke conveys can be enough to make the difference. I can think of a few times where it reflected poorly on me to use this type of humor while I was in the wrong headspace.

This is also reflected by a show like South Park, where all the characters constantly belittle not only each other, but virtually every demographic on the planet (that show has ALL the off-color humor).

Parting Thoughts

Humor is a projection of my internal emotional state onto the world. It’s a way to get people to feel like I do inside. Granted, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying off-color humor, as long as I don’t let that seep inwards and become a reflection of my inner self.

If my humor is building up the people around me, then it’s a sign that I’m in a good place on the inside.