Parenting

I’m 28, single, and live alone. There’s a lot of steps I get to figure out before parenthood, but it’s never too early to think about the future.

I have no idea where I want to settle down, what type of house I want, or even how many kids I want. But none of those details are important at this stage. What I do want to think about is the type of father I’d be. I’m reflecting on this today because it addresses an even bigger question for me: what type of legacy do I want to leave behind?

Why kids?

First of all, I enjoy hanging around babies. Their innocence and playfulness can leads to some very fun memories. I might think differently when I’m the one who has to wake up at 4 in the morning to change their diaper, but I’ll cross that bridge when it comes.

Kids are the future. As cliché as that sounds, it’s completely true. There are some things I’d love to see in this world that just aren’t possible within this lifetime. And at a certain point, I’ll have to hand off my work to the next generation.

Of course, I do not want my kids to be responsible for my failed dreams. Ultimately, I want to do good for the world, and there’s values that I want to push as part of that. In particular, that consists of an appreciation for knowledge and curiosity about the world and the people around us. No matter what my hypothetical children choose for their lives, I just hope to leave those values with them in some form.

There’s a lot of opportunity to cultivate that by raising someone from birth. After all, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Open Mind

I grew up in an environment that was heavily influenced by culture and religion, not to mention Fox News. It left me with some biases that I’m still working to deprogram.

I do value my upbringing; but I don’t want to force it on my kids. On the other hand, I’m not going to trust a 5-year old to make life choices. The balance between making the best decisions for them while giving them freedom of choice is going to be a real challenge.

At the very least, I want to instill a sense of curiosity and open-mindedness; a willingness to learn about the world and its surroundings. To ask questions.

Which brings me to my next point:

Learning from Mistakes

Kids WILL screw up every now and then. Whether it’s getting into fights, breaking a window, or breaking themselves, it’s part of the process.

Good behavior has to be learned. And learned is the keyword.

Every time my hypothetical kid gets into trouble, one question I’ll be sure to ask is: What did they learn?
From professional skills to personal relationships, life is ALL about learning. And failures and mistakes are great opportunities to learn. So that’s the biggest thing I would want anyone, not just kids, to take away from those experiences.

Raising a child would be one of the most ambitious projects I’ll ever undertake in life. It would be a real challenge in my capacity for love, patience, and balance. And I look forward to it.