I sometimes have a hard time thinking of topics for this blog. There’s so many things to reflect on and dive into, both technical and personal topics, that decision paralysis starts to come into play. And when that happens, I get to brainstorm. And that basically means to throw as many ideas as possible at a wall and see what sticks.

But even then, it can be a challenge for me. Brainstorming works best when there’s NO restraint on the ideas that get thrown at at the wall. No matter how risky or ridiculous, every thought can have a chance to be heard. Otherwise, any type of pre-judgment hinders the whole process.

At a personal level, that type of judgment shows up in a lot of places; in my career, on dates, with my friends, and even in my own reflections of myself.

It’s often why I see creatives as being the most open-minded people I’ve ever met; creativity requires a LOT of unfiltered brainstorming. Today, I want to reflect on how the notion of judgment shows up in my life and how it holds me back.

Models and Stereotypes

My job is to design models of how the world works. Whether it’s a model to simulate the outcome of a chemical reaction or the behavior of a cryptocurrency trader, these models use data to try and to predict the future. It’s a very analytical discipline, and it’s all about making assumptions to create judgments.

Personally, I have a tendency to rely on models in my daily routine; models about how everything immediately around me works. Sometimes, those models work well, like predicting what will happen if I put my hand on a lit stove. But I would find myself living inside those models instead of the real world; almost like daydreaming in a fantasy-world.

And fantasy worlds do tend to bucket people excessively, especially by race. Elves are nimble, gnomes are intelligent, orcs are brutish, and so on. And the consequence is one of limitations: orc wizards are inherently weaker than gnome wizards under that model. I wonder where else this shows up?

Self-imposed Prison

Stereotypes are basically models; don’t trust anyone of a certain skin color, nationality, religion, etc. And that has a side-effect of creating isolation. Judgment keeps me in the world of the known; things that I can predict and control well. Judgment is just a way of staying in my comfort zone.

And sure, that might serve the intended purpose of protecting me. But it does lead to a very lonely existence. I feel like my sense of judgment has held me back for a long time when it comes to really feeling free and broadening my sense of community.

This doesn’t just apply to judging other people, but also myself. When I serve as my own worst critic and let my mistakes become a comment on my self worth, I keep myself from learning and growing from that. I’m literally a prisoner of my own judgment.

This is why I’m open to pouring out a lot on this site; I’m committed to keeping an open mind. And that’s such a big part of my personal vision: to see people be curious instead of living inside their own models. We all get to learn about the world as it is, and not just how we expect it to be.